The Kanasai Guide to Driving in KL

A Lot Of Nonsense, Good ol Kanasai KL, My Favouriteson February 20th, 20097 Comments

If you’ve ever driven in KL, you’ll know for a fact that driving to work is never just ‘a drive to work’.

Or a trip down town to a friend’s place.

Sure, you want to get to your friend’s place to do whatever it is that you wanna do. But the drive there itself is an experience and a half.

Take for an example the Bulatan Jalan Pahang that I have to go through every single day of work.

Seriously, I tell you ar, if for some unknown reason Satan wanted to start making roundabouts in Hell, he’d just have to come right down to the this roundabout, hang around for half an hour, drive through it just 2 times and he’d be left wandering just why everyone’s so afraid to go to Hell when in fact, there already is Hell on earth.

See, on the way back from work today I thought I’d be a smart ass and take pictures of the roundabout.

Yeap …. smart guy you ar Jay…..

1. When was the last time you saw a dude standing around taking pictures of a roundabout without thinking of him as a nutcase?

2. I’d have to pull over at a roundabout. If I did that at rush hour, you won’t be visiting me at jaythean.com anymore. You’d be visiting me at my funeral.

So I kinda nipped a picture of the roundabout from those guys over at disini.net. Thank you folks at Disini.net, I’m glad you guy managed to take a picture of the roundabout and live to upload it.

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Okay so this picture doesn’t exactly do justice to how I just described the roundabout.

But the fact is, I reckon if you’re able to survive driving through this roundabout during peak hours (which is exactly when I go to work and come back from work), you’d probably be able to do any other roundabout with your eyes closed and your hands tied behind your back.

Erhmm …. maybe not your hands tied behind your backlah … but you get my drift.

Like I said, driving in KL is an experience and an assault on all your sense … not to mention your sanity.

That’s why after 2 weeks of observation on KL roads, I’ve managed to come up with …

THE KANASAI GUIDE TO DRIVING IN KL ~!!

Hey …… no I’m not giving excuses for not updating my blog for the past 2 weeks. =P

Let’s start with ….

How to Line up at a Toll Booth in KL

So you’re at a toll right? What’s the first thing that comes to mind when you’re at a toll?

Queue up and wait your turn at the correct lane right? I mean, if you’re paying cash, you’re definitely not gonna be queueing up at the Touch N Go lane right?

Wrong.

When queueing up at a toll, be sure to start off in the wrong lane. If you’re paying cash do line up at the Touch N Go Lane or Smart Tag lane that’s next to the cash lane.  

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Before reaching said toll, weave out of the Touch N Go Lane and cut into the cash lane.

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Be sure to honk at glaring passengers. And if they honk at you first, do not hesitate to show them the finger.

After all, what do they know about driving etiquette? They didn’t buy their license from the coffee shop at RM2000.

Now that you car’s backside is sticking out, do hang around for a bit. Doing so will encourage other passengers with the same Kopi O License to follow you.

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Before you know it, you’ve already started  another lane. I mean, 2 lanes are definitely better than one right? Especially if both those lanes lead into 1.

Now that you’ve done your part on the road, you should hope that the people on the other side of the lane follow suit.  

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Once you find that the original line can no longer be discerned from the mayhem you’e created, you know you’ve done your part for society. You can now pat yourself on the back.

Traffic Lights Colours Are For Wimps

See that traffic light up ahead? Its yellow. Yup yellow. What do you do?

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Slow down cause it’ll turn red in no time?

Oh that’s soO wong.

When traffic lights turn yellow in Malaysia, you step on it. Like really really step on it. Cause if you don’t, there’ll be half a dozen cars behind you cursing you for not stepping on it.

Don’t want all those curses and swears coming your way do you?

So what happens when the light turns red after the yellow? Simple

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You step on it even more. It’s an unspoken law in our country that even after the traffic lights turn red, you’re allowed to still go on for like 5 more seconds.

Never mind the cars whose lights at their roads have turned green.

Accidents occuring? Nah, not your problem at all. Everybody knows about the 5 second-after-turning-red rule. If they bang you it’s totally their fault. It’s their word against your in court.

Which brings me to my next point ….

Yellow box? I don’t see any yellow box

See that yellow box painted on the road? Best stay off the yellow box no?

Wrong.

Those yellow lines painted on the road look so pretty. Why not park your car over it? Works especially well when you’re coming from the 5 second-after-turning-red rule mentioned above and there’re cars jammed in front and spilling onto the yellow box.

Once again I couldn’t get a picture of a yellow box. So I nicked one off ealingtimes.com ….

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See there was this dude who actually posed at a yellow box. Now, what kind of a nutcase actually poses at a …erhmm …. if you’re reading this please don’t sue me. Hey I did credit you after all.

So like I was saying, park your car over the yellow box and block traffic coming from the right and the left. Honks and curses should come in no time.

That’s the Malaysian way of driving.

Why do I need a signal light anyway?

See those yellow lights at the four corners of your cars? When you’re driving in KL, you have absolutely no use for them. I suggest you rip them right out and either :

1. Sell them off for a quick buck or …

2. Give them to other people who might need them or …

3. …..Nah, nobody uses signal lights in KL so you’re better off just selling them off.

When you want to cut into someone’s lane, why waste time putting the signal light? Just go ahead and cut right in. Of course the person behind you may bang right into you. Or they might stop on time.

When you’re slowing down and looking for a place to park, just slow down. Don’t bother about the car behind you. If he stops in time then good, if he doesn’t then he did knock into you after all.

When you’re bored and somehow feel that you do need to utilize the signal that the good ol car company provided you, then why not do what I saw a person do to me the other day …..

When you want to turn left, signal right. And vice versa!

YipPpeee … Fun for the whole family. Especially when they visit you at the morgue.

The Horn is there so why not use it?

 This is my favourite.

Every car has a horn. I mean it’s there so why not use it?

One great way of giving the ol horn a toot is when you’re all waiting at a traffic light.

Pay close attention to the red light. And once the red light turns green, honk the car in front of you. Never mind that it’s only been a second since the light turned. Honk him anyway.

No other way to show how Malaysian you are than to display the extreme extent of your impatience on the road ….

The time now is 1am ….  I think I’m babbling …..

More Kanasai Guidelines once I’ve done  more research yar …

Kanasai~!!

The Accident

It Can Only Be KT, Thoughts to Ponderon December 26th, 20076 Comments

I was coming out of my apartment last week. It was a normal night, I was on the way out to meet my housemates for dinner.

Once I turned out onto the road, a motorbike in the opposite direction decided to overtake the car in front of him. It was a rather narrow road so before I knew it, a motorbike was eating into my lane and heading straight towards me at perhaps 60km/h…

….*BAM*

I’m not sure how far or how high the dude flew. All I knew was that once I got out of the car, he was a good 100 metres away from my car. Alive. With only a few scratches.

Can’t say the same about my car. The front part was totally smashed. Sigh.

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Interesting to point out was that though the fault was far from mine, it took only 2 minutes before people from neighbouring stalls and shops came running out and pointing accusatory fingers at me. Needless to say in which favour the racial balance was tipped but far be it for me to harp on an issue as sensitive as that…. (though I reckon my point has already been made … loud and clear).How in the whole wide world was it my fault when I was merrily heading out onto the correct lane when someone came rushing straight into mine ?

How was it my fault when remnants and glass pieces from the accident were all on MY (left) side of the road?

Oh wait …. perhaps they thought that just for that stretch of road, people drive on the RIGHT side of the road, so I was driving on the wrong side of the road and hit that motorcyclist.

Thankfully my 2 housemates joined me soon afterwards and I couldn’t describe how much relief their mere presence provided me.

We headed to the police station after that and did what had to be done …. despite the sheer gloom the accident cast upon me that night, I was given a reason to cheer up.

For I was to catch a 10pm bus back to KL that night, and having finished up at the police station, I arrived at the bus station at 10.05pm only to find no buses there at all. I thought that was it. Goodbye KL

But then I discovered something ….. why were there so many people hanging around? Turns out the buses hadn’t arrived yet. That night I was plunged both into distress and happiness at the same time ….

It’s been a week now and I’ve just handed my car to the mechanic. I’ve since realized that in the heat of things, we take the most convenient path in accepting a situation… through denial. Where problems crop up, we immediately swing around and point fingers, seeking solace in the fleeting and misleading comfort that someone else will take the blame. Where solutions seem scarce, we are quick to judge those offered by others yet make little attempt at solutions ourselves.

Deep inside I’ve made peace with the person whom I collided with that night, though I probably will never see him again. I’ve learnt to accept that no one was to blame that night, that if an accident has to happen, it will happen. Nevermind those people who were judging us that night. No issue with the amount of bucks we’d both have to fork out to repair our damaged vehicles.

I’m just thankful that the both of us came away with our lives and good health that night. And for that I continue to be thankful ……

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